We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
