Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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