Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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