Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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