he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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