i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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