My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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