I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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