Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
