the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
