hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
