please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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