dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
