That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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