who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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