Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just made my gag reflex go away.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
