I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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