Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
