so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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