Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
