If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
