I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
