Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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