my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
