god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
