I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize