plz talk dirty to me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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