i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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