I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
