ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
