mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
