I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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