better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
