I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize