No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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