Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
