Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
