He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
