Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
