I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
