Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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