beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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