i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
