So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
