Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
