HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
