you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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