Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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