the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
