Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
