People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize