At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
