Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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