I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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