my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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