he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
