I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
