But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
