bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the condom got lost in my hair
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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