Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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