I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
