When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
