I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
