it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
