Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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