So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
