Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
