I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
