I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
