We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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